First generation American, terrified

I almost never write anything on my blog that doesn't somehow relate to books, but this election is just too important and momentous to ignore.

I am terrified.

I am sitting in my living room, refreshing the page on the election results every few minutes. I can hardly breathe from how anxious I am, because who knows what tomorrow may bring?

Tomorrow I might not be welcome in America. A child of immigrants, a person of color. A woman who isn't afraid to speak her mind.

No matter how this election plays out, I am shocked, disappointed, and ashamed that this race was a close one. I simply cannot believe that the people of America would want to support a man who has made no secret of his prejudices, lies, and bigotry. I believed that people had more sense, and the common decency and compassion to look out for their less fortunate friends and neighbors. Now that has been shattered, I know that most of our country has no problem making themselves feel powerful by crushing the backs of those that aren't like them.

I am ashamed of being a part of a country where anyone who is different is fodder for insult and a target for hatred. I knew our world was divided between those with privilege and power and those without it, but I never realized just how much power the privileged few wield over the rest.

With just over an hour to go before the final results are in, I'm going to cross my fingers and pray for a miracle. But no matter how this election ends, I don't think my faith in America or my faith in humanity will ever be fully restored.